Ok, so I wanted to start writing again and as I have mentioned a few times before, I am the ultimate master of procrastination! I knew that perfectionists tend to procrastinate because they are afraid that if they start early, they would not have any excuses for an imperfect piece. Whereas if they start late, they can say "oh, well...I didn't have enough time and that's why it's not my best work!" or in the opposite case (at least for me) if we actually CAN deliver something that's surprisingly good without having put too much effort into it, we (I) proud ourselves for it! I also learned from our graduate coordinator, who had this meeting for grad students to encourage us to write, she said that writers tend to procrastinate because they are afraid of not writing a perfect read. So, there you go! Two legit reasons for my absence!
The other reason was that I don't take criticism well. If somebody criticizes me or my work, I become suicidal! So, other than being grateful for my dreams of becoming an actress not coming true, I also started second guessing my choice of dream job for the future. I mean, I'm all for "constructive criticism" and I believe in its necessity for the improvement in any kind of job and art, especially cinema. But making a career out of essentially making people's lives miserable...eh...may not be the best thing. We're talking about people's energy and months and years of efforts and passion here. To crush their hopes and what they've put their life into is harsh. I always try to put myself in people's shoes when I think of doing something to someone. And honestly, if I had made a movie and someone said it's not good, I'd be ready to hang myself! Not everyone is like me...but even if there is only one person out there who's like that (and I'm sure there is)...yeah, I don't wanna do that.
The third reason for my absence. I originally wanted to talk about how life was hard and miserable and I had so much to do. And then I said to myself "oh, boo-hoo"! So you are going to a good school in a country that so many people dream of visiting, let alone live in...so you've got to take some extra courses or spend a few more hours in the lab or stay up late from time to time in your cozy, warm home. Suck it up! It's not even nearly half as hard as almost all the people around you. So, no excuses! If I wanna follow my dreams, this is the very least I could do. Squeeze writing into my schedule. People relocate and would even bear being homeless for a few days just to get what they want (I'm thinking of aspiring actors who move to hollywood here). What I'm dealing with is nothing. And they didn't take no for an answer. And neither will I. I applied to get a kind of a scholarship by the Ebert foundation for 6 aspiring journalists that provided the chance of covering the news from the Sundance Festival this past month, while covering the travel costs for their stay. I didn't get it needless to say. It was a long shot anyway. I was a bit disappointed but I thought maybe it's time to give up on it. But then I remembered that JK Rowling had taken the script for Harry Potter to 12 publishers before finding the one that did publish it. So, there's still hope. And not everyone needs to be successful in their 20's. I still have time! Hehe.
So, why I decided to come back, you're asking?
Aside from the burning sensation in my fingertips to start typing and ranting again since the Golden Globes, I took a test recently on buzzfeed (lame I know) about what career best suits my personality, and based on the results I should become a writer. The second and third options were director and producer. And I was like, that's good enough for me! I'll take it. I also like reading articles that Dr David Katz writes and recently found out that a friend works for him and I can get a chance of working for him as well and start learning about writing. So, there you go. I don't necessarily need to write about movies (though that's what I love to do) but we'll see what happens.
So stay tuned for a few posts in the coming days, if not hours!
P.S. Getting a new computer was another incentive! Hehe.
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